Are you hanging on because you want me here
or because you don’t want to be alone?

I Can’t Afford You

My bank balance is low,
debt is growing steady,
I work a decent job,
but it still pays petty,
plenty pennies pack my thoughts,
but my two sense is heavy,
cuz I don’t fit your worth
my pockets are probably empty.
And it’s crazy,
I’m not used to feeling worthless
I just never saw money as a means
to measure out one’s purpose.

Broke. (Haiku)

I’ve never felt so
inadequate, worth measured
by the lack of it.

It could all be so simple,
but you’d rather make it hard…

Your mind has been on overdrive
trying to connive reasons to remind yourself
that treason happens half the time you open up, but
I’m not like these other heathens
tryna use you up, for sex or stupid stuff—
I’m pretty simple…
Writing and reciting lines
mesmerized by the smile between your dimples
twiddle thoughts, un-swindle severed hearts
just to kindle ripples of something bigger.
I don’t need you for your status, ass, or living lavish—
I just want to make you laugh,
enjoy your presence, and remind you that you’re perfect,
despite you feeling damaged…

Today my heart hangs heavy…
I can feel the concaving of chest cavities
crash in as casually
as the rationed emotions hung by gravity
when you said hello. 
I fell for you, swooned too soon,
and too sad to see sanity sanctioned off,
planning to be, howling at full moons. 
While you’re mad at me,
monsoons sweep subtle tunes
breaking heart beat ballads,
I feel blue…
and, what’s sad is, true madness,
my world was but a black and white canvass,
until the day I met you…

I haven’t slept for days…
haven’t lived much since then either.
My heartbeats been reduced to mimic murmers
timid murders of the memories, trying to erase you, free…
the way you wanted, fronting like you needed me,
when all you really wanted was a piece of me to breathe…

You leave me on edge, unbalanced,
trying to decipher where we stand.
I want you dearly, adore you,
clearly, why can’t you understand?

Just tell me you cannot love me.

I can’t tell if you’re playing with my heart
or just playing with my thoughts
trying to tempt me into believing you’re something special
when below the surface you’re really not.
You complicate emotions,
explain your actions and how you handle,
ramble weak excuses,
claim your hearts abusive, and that you’re fragile—
You tell me you need someone stronger,
that you can feel me crumble beneath my words,
but I was never weak,
just too strong to waste my strength
on broken girls.

Love kills, depression creates art.
Poetry heals while words tear us apart.

It’s crazy…
You tell me I need my rest,
While I’ve been tryna find a way to get this off my chest—
Cuz you’ve been running through my mind
Placing meaning in my thoughts,
While my hearts been going crazy,
Baby, I think I’m falling for your art…

Has it been that I’ve become so scorn from love
     that my mind redirects me to find something else in you?

            A flaw, a lie, a malfunction of the heart…
                        or have I just learned the signs well enough to know
                              that this is where the hurt starts?